An interview with Tarik Saleh

A Moscaline exclusive!

We sat down over some beers with unfamous former bike rider Tarik Saleh.

Moscaline: We heard you retired from cycling.

Tarik: Well I was retired from doing rides, you know the ones that don't include getting to work or getting things from the store. But thats in the past now. I am back, and it feels good.

M: So what caused the initial retirement? Your cycling career has barely registered as a blip on the radar of most casual cycling fans. We were surprised to hear of the retirement as we had barely heard of you.

T: The bottom line is that I got snowed on on the way to work two Thursdays in a row. These were Thursdays in the month of May, the second part of the month of May no less. That set up two weekends in a row where I did not do any recreational riding as planned. And then I threw in the towel and stopped riding all together, other than shopping trips..

M: How long were you retired?

T:Uh, I think it was around 48 hours.

M: Not even a long weekend then?

T: Well, no, you know it is tough to stay retired around here, lots of good riding, you know?

M: Sure, but...

T: Look man, I am not going to make excuses here. I was retired and now I am back. I want everyone to know that I am back and proud of it.

M: So what did you do during the retirement.

T: I rode my bike a bit, you know over to some friends house, corner store for some icecream, that kind of thing. I drank some wine and watched Netflix movies.

M: So... you rode your bike?

T: Well, you know, its riding, but it was not the kind I retired from.

M: But you are back

T: Oh yeah, 100% back. I am rededicated. 110% really.

M: So why did you come back.

T: Well it was the tiny men. I was half asleep on the couch watching those tiny italian men zipping around the dolomites and bob was droning about pain and I kind of woke up as they finally stopped descending, you know?

M: No doubt, go on...

T: And then the most beautiful thing happened, they started climbing, little skinny tiny men all riding their bikes up horrendous mountain passes in the rain and snow. Great stuff. Bizarrely compelling in fact.

M: So you were inspired to go ride in the snow?

T: Well, sort of. You see I kind of noticed that it was not snowing today and in fact it was about 75 and sunny. It might have been a little windy, but boy was it nice out. I realized I live in the mountains too, and although they are not filled with tiny italian men climbing on their bikes, it is pretty nice.

M: Why are we even talking to you?

T: I am pretty sure it is all about the redemption and the comeback. People eat that shit up.

M: Redemption from what?

T: Sloth I think, go look at that wine drinking picture again, it is not pretty. So where was I...

M: Something about riding on a sunny day?

T: Oh yes, fabulous stuff really, I rode up the top of the ski hill, kept going up the trails, sat around for a bit, listened to the birds, looked at the plants, ate some bananas and then rode on back home.

M: Ah.

T: There was some snow on the trail, enough that I had to dismount now and again.

M: I see... So how does it feel to be back?

T: Well, the legs felt a little heavy, but I had good sensations at the end.

M: Great, well thanks for the interview, good luck on the comeback

T: Thanks, we should talk again.

M: Unlikely.


Chad said...

Seriously, welcome back!

I've retired from the road racing scene for the early season. Maybe I'll do prison loop and/or state champs. In the meantime, the mrs and i are doing some really fun mixed terrain rides in the mtns. But we didn't climb enough here to get to the snow. Really fun. I only suffer when I want it.

Mark Bishop said...

Boo! Hiss! Foul I say, Foul! There is no way this is an authentic interview, it is a poor forgery at best. There was not a single "yeah, no, yeah, yeah, no" in the whole thing thus it is utterly impossible that the true Tarik Saleh was interviewed for this piece. Such deviation from the ethics of journalism simply will not stand!

Marrock said...

I think your riding regimen should include a quick stop at the pharmacy to pick up those meds you so obviously desperately need.

Michael Lemberger said...

I ate that shit up.

flahute said...

I think whenever any rider attempts a comeback from "retirement", they should automatically be placed on USADA's out-of-competition dope testing regimen.

I mean, how do we know you didn't do full cycles of EPO, Aranesp, HGH, and endless varieties of both cortical and anabolic steroids during your absence from the sport?

Tarik Saleh said...

Yeah, your rides rule! I am jealous.

Everyone else:
Check the chad jill blog at babybluebicycle.blogspot.com for better rides than you are doing now

well, yeah yeah yeah, no yeah...

No way man, I am riding clean.

Mo babo,
I am glad to provide food of dubious quality/provenance during these uncertain times.

No way man, I am riding clean.

Thanks for reading all.